


Can’t Break Us

by Insanefangirl



Series: Mental Health with Team Free Will [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Up Destiel, Dean Winchester Has Abandonment Issues, Dean Winchester Has Anger Issues, Dean Winchester Has Mental Health Issues, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Whump, Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Episode: s15e09, Get Back together don’t worry, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season 15 break up, Season 15 make up, sam winchester is a good brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26732593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insanefangirl/pseuds/Insanefangirl
Summary: Season 15 spoilers!!!!!!Post 15.3 with some sad and Dean abandonment issues and self esteem issuesThenPost 15.9 when they make up and talkOof, sucky summary oh well you get the gist
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester & Dean Winchester
Series: Mental Health with Team Free Will [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889341
Comments: 5
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t own supernatural or characters

One of the most painful things about living in the bunker, was the slam of the heavy metal door closing. It always meant someone was leaving. 

Now Dean states into nothing as the violent sound of slamming metal fills the room. It sounds final. It sounds like the end. Isn’t that how these things always end? With someone leaving? 

Dean walks with numb feet to their room-his room. He grabs a whiskey from the library on his way. Cas had never allowed alcohol in their room-his room. 

Sitting down on the bed, propped up against the headboard, with the bottle of whiskey and no glass, the bed felt bigger. Dean’s beloved memory foam bed seemed to be swallowing him whole. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there. Long enough for him to down half of the once full bottle of alcohol. 

Everything engulfs him. His too big and too soft bed, the whiskey lazily running in his system, and the silence of the room. It is so quiet. Even his tears now streaking his face are silent. 

“Hey Dean, where did Cas-“ Sam has entered his room. Once he sees the pathetic state of his brother he stops his question short and changes it. “What’s up?”

“He’s gone.” Dean’s voice sounds gruff and scratchy but also muffled to his own ears. As if he’s underwater, water must be another thing that has engulfed him. 

“What?” Sam looks confused, Dean wishes he doesn’t understand the situation either. 

“I get so mad and I hurt him. I was mean and I don’t know what’s real anymore an -and I hurt him so he left.” Dean voice begins to shake along with his whole body. 

“Hey, hey.” Sam is there, for now, he holds Dean, for now. “He’ll be back. He’ll cool off and come back.”

“He’s gone.” Dean sobs into his little brother’s chest, he’s too far under the water to care about the snot and tears he’s getting on his brother’s shirt. “I broke it.” 

“Dean, I need you to listen to me.” Sam pulls back to meet Dean’s red rimmed eyes. “What you have with Cas you can’t just break, okay? You messed up and he just needs some time, but he will come back and when he does you guys will figure it out like you always do.” 

Dean wants to believe Sam, he does. His little brother’s voice sounds so sure and his arms around Dean are strong, but there’s a little voice. It’s a voice that is always there, how loud it is varies from moment to moment. Now the voice is loud. The voice drowns out Sam’s sure words and strong arms. 

It tells Dean that he is alone. Cas isn’t coming back. He broke it. One of the best things he’s ever had and he broke it. He broke it with his pride and his anger just like everything else he touches. 

Poison. 

Daddy’s little solider. 

Weak. 

Broken. 

Alone. 

Left Behind. 

Poison. 

Sam keeps holding him. Dean can hear talking somewhere above the water he’s drowning in. He can hear what might be softly whispered reassurances and promises. 

The voice pounds in his ears too loud to the rhythm of his heart. His damn heart that is still stubbornly beating. 

Eventually he must fall asleep. He wakes sometime later to an empty bed and an emptier heart -just an empty feeling in general. 

I should have seen it coming. He thinks as he drags himself out of the empty bed. Everyone leaves, why would Castiel be any different?


	2. Chpt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy ending yeah!

They didn’t necessarily talk. Cas said he heard his prayer, but Dean has more to say. He could wait though, he could wait until Sam and Eileen were safe. 

Now they’re back in the bunker, Eileen left and Sam is taking it better then Dean thought he would. Maybe it helps they aren’t angry at each other. Those kids are so dorky. 

Dean finds Cas in the kitchen. The voice is back, it’s telling him he doesn’t deserve his angel’s forgiveness or his angel at all. 

He pushes the voice away, right now he only needs to worry about saying the right thing. 

“Cas?” Those brilliant blue eyes look at him. “C-can we talk?”

“Dean I heard your prayer.” Cas walks over to him, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist. “We’re okay, I forgive you.”

Dean is violently shaking his head, tears are coming out of eyes and he doesn’t know when he started crying. It takes him several attempts to swallow in order to speak. 

“I-I’m sorry.” He finally gets out and from there it’s a flow of a river after the dam has broken. “I know I already said that but I have to say it to your face. I’m sorry I got mad, none of this is your fault and I always take it out on you or someone else. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in us and I’m sorry I doubted us. Im sorry I broke us. I’m sorry I just let you walk away. Cas, I’m so fucking sorry.” 

Dean’s words become sobs as Cas simply stands there, with his arms around Dean’s waist, listening and taking in his rambled words. 

“Dean, I love you.” Cas says as if he’s telling Dean the secret to the universe. 

“I-I love you too.” Dean manages to get out. 

“I know.” Dean can’t help give a wet snort and the Star Wars reference. “Dean, you fixed us. Do you realize that?” 

Dean shakes his head again. He doesn’t fix things. He breaks things -everything. 

“You started fixing us when you prayed to me, and now you were the one who started this conversation to completely “clear the air”. We weren’t broken, maybe a little strained but never broken.”

That’s all Dean needs to allow his body to relax. His head drops to Cas’ shoulder. It’s the second time in a short while that he has painted snot and tears on someone’s shoulder. He’ll be embarrassed about it later. 

“Let’s go to bed.” The angel scoops Dean into a bridal carry. It’s only something Dean allows when he’s really tired, other wise Cas gets and armful of flailing and squawking hunter. Now he just allows his head to lull against Cas’ chest. 

His boyfriend takes them to their bedroom -their bedroom again. They strip out of their dirty cloths and into pajamas before crawling into bed. 

They lay there in the silence for a while. It’s not really silent though, there’s the sound of Cas’ heart beating against his ear, pumping grace through his system.

“I’m sorry I left.” Cas says suddenly. 

“What?” Dean looks up at his angel, just barely making out his face in the dark. 

“I left you. I could’ve stayed and-“

“I was too angry.” Dean reminds gently. “We wouldn’t have done a lot of talking. You needed your space and you came back, that’s all that matters.”

“I just wanted to leave it behind. I couldn’t save Jack and I don’t know how we even begin to defeat Chuck. I wanted to give up and go about whatever life I could before Chuck killed me.” Cas pulls Dean in tighter, lips occasionally brushing against each other. 

“What happened?” Dean asks. 

“I reunited a little boy with his mother from dijn. It was frustrating though, the authorities wouldn’t talk to me like they do with you and Sam.”

“Maybe don’t introduce yourself as Agent Beyoncé.” Dean chuckles. 

“Many of your aliases are music artists.” Cas points out, his voice almost a whine. 

Dean just laughs a little more. He places a kiss to Cas’ smile. 

“Anyway, I realized I need to help people. That’s what I need to be doing.” Cas says. “And I missed you. It was like I had a hole inside of me.”

“Me too.” Is all Dean can say because he knows exactly what that feels like. 

“We’re okay?” Dean asks after a beat. “We’re not broken anymore.” 

“We’re okay, like I said. And we were never broken. We share a profound bond.” Cas squeezes him tightly to articulate his point. 

“Okay.” Dean breaths. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Dean. I love you more then anything in any of Chuck’s universes. Sleep well, I will watch over you now and always.” Cas promises as Dean falls into the deep sleep that has been invading him since Cas left. The little voice is quiet. 

Cas and him share a profound bond, forged in hellfire and heaven’s grace. No man or being could break it. No poison could corrode it.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy chapter 2 coming super soon


End file.
